Things I Am Afraid to Tell You

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When I started this blog months ago, I really wasn’t sure why. I used to like to write short stories when I was younger, but once high school hit, that was a thing of the past and let’s face it, I was no Stephen King or J.K. Rowling. I think one of the reasons for the blog was to journal. It was a way I could get thoughts out of my head so I could finally fall asleep at night. It is also a good way to release emotions; sometimes all it takes it saying it out loud (or in my case, typing it) to feel lighter, as if a weight has been lifted off my shoulders or chest. In any case, I made a vow to myself that no matter what content I wrote about, I would be REAL, and it didn’t matter how many judgements came my way. So today, I am stepping into a place I rarely even visit myself. This puts me in a very vulnerable position but I feel it’s necessary, if nothing else for myself!

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I am not a good housekeeper. I love having a clean, tidy home just as much as the next person but if you were to stop by my humble abode, unannounced on any given day, I would most likely be pretty embarrassed. Let me clarify, we clean the house regularly, but typically within 30 minutes, it can totally look like a tornado went through it. It drives me insane! Don’t get me wrong, I am so grateful that I have a home at all but I wish we could just keep it a little more straightened up! Don’t even get me started on the laundry. As a family of six (5 of us being female), you can just imagine the shit show we have going on at my house. I don’t mind doing laundry at all. I don’t even mind folding. My problem is that I don’t like putting said laundry up so we end up with baskets upon baskets of neatly folded clothes that are dug through so much, I tend to wonder why I take the time to fold them to begin with.

I yell. I admit it, I am not the most calm, cool and collected momma out there. I give chances but sometimes my patience runs thin. When I say I yell, it’s not the raise your voice a little bit to get your attention kind of yell. I am talking about the bloody murder, red-faced, vein popping out of my forehead, now I have a freaking headache kind of scream. I am not proud of this and it was really hard for me to even admit. I am constantly working on myself to practice patience and some days I do really well, others I falter. Guess that makes me human, right? I would also like to send a shout out to my neighbors for pretending like they can’t hear me even though I know it’s a lie!

I give up easily. Ugh, another one that is bitter to the taste and hard to swallow. I am the type to get extremely excited about executing a new idea, however, a lot of the time, I either start it and don’t finish or don’t even start it all. I think fear holds me back a lot. There’s already too many people doing it, why would they choose me? They are going to do it better than me, why even bother? I am not an expert so they are going to think I’m a fraud. They are just being nice because they know me are are being polite. Just sharing a few thoughts that run through this melon with every idea I have. If I was giving someone else advice, I would have so much to say to them on why they SHOULD do it anyway. I am working on this too, daily!

I compare. There are days when I am completely happy with who I am. Then there are days that seem like everyone around me is moving forward and living their best life and here I am barely making it. How do they do it? How do they manage it all and look so good doing it when we all have the same 24 hours in a day? I find myself comparing looks, lifestyles, homes, children and success just to name a few. When I start going down this road, I recognize what I am doing fairly quickly and am able to turn my mindset around. We are all on our own paths in life. Some are going to be ahead of us and others are going to be following behind us. I remind myself to be happy with where and who I am and if I can’t find happiness in that, I am the only one that can change it.

My goal for this post was to share with others that we don’t have to have it all together and figured out all the time. We all have things that we feel like if anyone else knew, they would just be appalled! I am here to tell you, I will not judge you for any of that. I would tell you to embrace it because it makes you who you are. I would high five you and say “Girlfriend, I feel ya!” I would let you know that it’s okay to not be perfect based on society’s standards. Most of all, I would let you know that you are not alone!

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I would love to hear some of your “things you are afraid to tell”. Let’s celebrate our normalcy! Feel free to share in the comments!

* The photos used on this post are not mine and I do not claim them as so.

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